That going to the movies by yourself is socially unacceptable
and will expose you to ridicule.
We’re taught to dread Mondays and to long for the
three in the afternoon bell at school which will set us free.
Your financial situation determines what you can and can’t do.
You need to be married by thirty, you need a long term plan,
a degree to achieve direction and stability.
You won’t be beautiful unless you buy this mascara,
you’re not beautiful because you don’t own this tight red dress,
because you don’t get your nails done every week,
because you like to spend Saturday nights reading novels
and eating ice cream straight out of the bucket.
They tell us that fat is worse than death,
that you need to lose those last five kilos,
that the only way you will be desirable is with a thigh gap
and jutting hip bones.
That if you wear a short skirt you’re asking for it,
that you owe him something because he bought you a drink.
We’re taught that you should pace yourself;
that balance and moderation is key.
To hell with all of this. I want to live unrestrained and forceful.
I will go the movies alone and eat an extra large popcorn.
I will look forward to the beginning of the new week.
I will not be held back by money,
by the useless things I’m taught to buy.
I will look in the mirror each day and believe
that I am still beautiful, that you are,
that we all are."
but what I’d really like to say is:
“My name means island of the ships but once
I found a translation that said I’m a burning shipwreck-
not a burning ship but a ship that has caught fire
after the wreckage and well, I’d say that’s more fitting.”
I’ve learned that people don’t have time for about me’s.
They need two things: a name and an indication you’re someone special.
The doctors, they want facts not details.
“I broke my leg when I was three, it’s a funny story actually-“
The right or the left?
The teachers, they want interests, hobbies.
You’re sad, yes, but what do you like to do?
The adults are a spew of questions.
What school do you go to? What classes are you taking?
What do you plan on becoming? Got a boyfriend?
People my own age are the worst.
“I’m planning on an English degree with a concentration in creative writing.”
Yeah, aren’t we all. So how many times have you, you know,
I’m pulled apart, my interests travelling highway 2
my goals at a stop light at traffic hour,
my medical history on a billboard for the world to see.
But what about me?
Where’s the chance to say,
“I hang on to fistfuls of poetry like loose change in my pockets,
and I keep waiting for the day that the world turns upside down
so I can swim with the stars.
I’m not afraid of darkness, it’s a loneliness I can empathize with it.
It’s the blackholes like cigarette burns inside of me that get troublesome.
I walk through graveyards and read the dashes between years,
each a story I’ll never know but sometimes
I create my own.”
No wonder none of us know who we are anymore."